How are you Auntie Mukariri. I am a woman aged 35. I have been in marriage for 10 years. My
husband is a womaniser and his relatives told me he now has a girl friend and they now have a baby
together. I am now hurt and feeling unwanted because most of the time I will be alone at home with
my children. He just comes home late every day and sometimes sleeps over. I no longer have the love
I used to have for him. Help me Antie what should I do? The husband is doing everything for me and
our three children but there is no love. Need your help Aunt I am in pain.
Dear In Pain
Thank you for writing to my column. I understand your predicament and it’s unfortunate that your
husband has decided to lead a life of unfaithfulness. The word of God in Deuteronomy 30 vs 15 says I
have put life and death before you but choose life. Many people at some point will face a situation
where they have to choose between good and bad most of them choose the wider road, seeking things
that bring them immediate joy, not knowing this is short-lived. Adultery is sweet but leads to death.
Your husband already has a child elsewhere and you cannot force him to stop this relationship if he is
enjoying it. Concentrate on how you can heal. Find a small piece in your heart to forgive him because
forgiveness is good for your health. It may not be easy to forgive but it's the way to go. I am glad that
your husband is looking after you and the children, it's a good sign that he still cares for you. I do not
support what he has done to you and I don't blame you for feeling the way you feel now, infidelity kills
affection but you might find that after sometime you will heal and you will love him the way he is. A lot
of women have faced such a predicament but life is ok now. Give your husband space and time to sort
out this. You might be surprised that he didn't mean to hurt you. You can talk to him about it or you can
involve family members. Ask his consent to use protection so that at least you feel sexually safe. I beg
you to forgive your husband for the sake of your children. If you decide to divorce, we won't blame you
but do not under estimate the impact of the divorce to your children. Reflect on the good things that
your husband is also doing and focus on those. May the Spirit of God comfort you in this. You are more
than a conqueror.
I am single lady aged 40. A mother of three children. My brother–in-law is making some love moves to
me. He is looking after my kids without my sister's knowledge or consent. Because of his care to me
and my children I now have feelings for him too. Should I cheat on my sister?
I appreciate the fact that you have written to my column. Seeking advice is a good sign that you still
carry traits of good behaviour. You are between a rock and a hard place. I wouldn't know your
relationship with your sister but my advice is that you tell whenever you need help instead of you
communicating with your brother-in-law. Having a relationship with your sister's husband is a big NO.
Your sister will soon find out and this will destroy her marriage. Don't ever think your brother-in-law will
be on your side once your sister finds out. He will call you names and will convince your sister that you
are the one who seduced him. You need to tell him that you appreciate his help but you cannot hurt
your own sister. Bear in mind that you will not only hurt your sister but you will hurt your parents too.
Your brother-in-law's relatives will not accept you too. In Shona we say Muroyi royera kure vepedyo
vagokureerera. You need to Stop the communication forthwith. If he continues with the advances tell
him that you will tell your sister about it. At 40 you can find someone who can love you and the children.
I also advise you to work with your own hands, find something to do so that you take care of the
children. You have an image to protect. A good name is far more precious than rubbies. All the best.